My son who is nearly 11 years old (in two months). Thank goodness for parenting books or I would've thought this child was possessed.
He has been the most delightful boy since I've been pregnant and feeling so crappy. He's getting stronger and more capable. He's been able to serve me by serving his brother and sisters. He's just be great. I am just tickled at this development and it's been such a relief.
UNTIL RECENTLY.....
A switched has been flipped in this child. The good part is still in there and is present most (95%) of the time. He's still very helpful around the house and with his siblings. I don't even know how to describe his new behaviors. Sometimes he is sweet as honey, sometimes he acts like a pubescent girl.
What I'm learning is that he's starting to want to be "big" but still enjoys being "little". Yup, growing pains. He doesn't want to necessarily be with the younger kids, UNLESS it's more fun than being a big kid. He's extremely emotional. He's struggling to be independent yet loyal and true to his family and how he's been raised. He's pushing every button on the control panel right now.
I'm convince from the experiences I'm having with him that this is really when parent and child begin to separate. When the parent gives in or gives up with a child. The child doesn't want that. He/She wants to know the lines/boundaries are still in place and that everything is normal. I do believe that some more allowances need to be made as the child proves himself. More independence granted. But, allowing the child to be in control is ridiculous. But, it's so easy for a parent to give up.
I'm also learning that a parent must increase their patience levels. The parent must be willing to wait the child out, talking to them, showing love and understanding. That can be very difficult at times. It usually happens around bedtime when everyone is tired. Making everything worse.
So far, my mode of operation (M.O.) is to keep talking and asking probing questions. I'm not one to settle for secrets. Yes, children sneak and hide things. I'm aware of that. I still have secrets from my parents that I dare not tell them. But, I believe that there are emotional reasons for a child's behavior. Not just testing boundaries. They need to be uncovered and dealt with so everyone can get a good night's sleep.
I also don't believe that I child is "allowed" to NOT deal with an issue. Whether they "threw" it on the table or not. Again, it needs to be dealt with. If they're unhappy with me as a parent, throw it out there and let's figure it out. I may need to change to help them in our relationship.
Work. I'm determined to teach my children the value of work. I've been so pleased with all my children these last few months. Since I've been so sick, they've really picked up the ball with the cleaning, cooking AND laundry. It's not done perfectly, but every once in a while, they surprise the heck out of me. I'm so grateful for their willingness to lift my burdens. I'm finding that the more often they do the work, the better they're becoming. It's going faster for them too. Oh, they're far from being perfect when it comes to being motivated, but we're at least on a good road.
That is my warning and my counsel. I'm excited for my boy to develop into a man. He can't hardly wait for his "man hair" and "man voice", oh, and "man sweat". I'm not looking forward to the "man smell". I will miss my sweet little boy. But, I'm tickled at the "man" he is becoming.
I'm still holding on for the ride. We've got a long way to go. Don't even talk to me about my daughters. :)
