Lessons I'm Pondering and Learning

I'm going through a growth spurt.  I've been learning all sorts of lessons about myself and how God interacts with me....us, really.

I don't know a lot yet.  I'm still in a pondering phase.  What have I been pondering?  Godly emotions.  Huh?

Recently I found myself VERY disappointed in a situation.  That sent me to ponder.  How does Heavenly Father deal with His disappointment in me (us)?  Then I thought, does God get disappointed in us?  Because that doesn't seem to be a very godly reaction.  Disappointment seems to be a selfish reaction.  As I wrote in my journal about my experience I realized that I was interjecting my "contribution" to the scenario, looking for appreciation and acknowledgement of a job well-done.  I got none of that.  But, I was never asking for it or outwardly looking for it.  But, I learned that deep inside my sweet little spirit was the selfish desire to see the good fruit of my works.  Yep.  We call that pride.

So, once I figured that out....I was ok with the "awakening" if you will.  I immediately set out to repent.  Not a bad thing.

The harder part was the acknowledgement to myself that I had wasted some time not taking better care of myself and accomplishing my own goals.  I'm NOT by any means saying that I regret a single minute of my efforts, I had just gotten side-tracked and lost myself.

I've never been one to take good care of myself.  That's too selfish.  That's the bad habit I'm trying to change.  I've been raising up a brand new baby for the last year so that definitely took up a lot of my time as well.  But, I find myself resorting to the same behaviors that kinda got me stuck in a rut.  ie....turning to the heavenly chocolate chip cookie vs. my Heavenly Father.

My pondering continues on how to react or not react to disappointment or anger like my Father in Heaven.  I'm sure that His all-encompassing love and omniscience helps a lot. A true understatement.

To be continued....