I actually enjoy being both most of the time. My concern comes after watching the last episodes of The Biggest Loser this last season. There was a 49 year old woman on there named Liz. I didn't really like her personality BUT I learned something from her. In the last few shows, she repeated herself quite a bit. She called out to all women. She said that she got so busy serving and doing for everyone else, that she forgot herself. Now she's 49 years old and doesn't know how to treat herself respectfully. I have identified with her words.
I read another friend's blog today and was so impressed with her candor that I thought I'd add to the momentum.
Last summer was probably the best summer of my life. I combined just about everything I liked all at the same time. I traveled with the kids all over to visit important sites of the American Revolution. I love road trips. I stopped going on road trips because I kept waiting for my husband to want to go with me. He HATES road trips. That part of me died for a number of years. I also was anchored to a bunch of little children. Lots of them. And they just kept coming. I never felt confident enough to venture out by myself with little, little kids.
Last summer I took them all, the big ones and the little ones. I don't know that they appreciated our trips, I'm sure they don't. But, I sure do. I took them to Lancaster, PA one day because I wanted to find fresh, farm raised, grass fed beef and chicken and raw milk and butter. I was semi-successful. But, then we we to a tourist spot of sorts which was a working Amish Farm. It was more a tourist spot than working farm, but they had a garden and herbs and lots of animals. It was interesting to learn a little about the Amish way of life. I think the kids were bored. But, heck, I paid for it, so we did it. After that, we went mini golfing.
There were other trips to Valley Forge, Philadelphia, Baltimore (Ft. McHenry) Monticello, Ashlawn, Smithsonian to see the actual Star Spangled Banner. I enjoyed myself tremendously. I think the real fun and adventure of my personality appeared. I felt like I was reborn and there was a light at the end of my tunnel.
Recently, I've felt trapped. At the end of all that fun, on August 14th, 2009, my 12th anniversary, I found out I was pregnant AGAIN! I know babies are a good thing. It was as if everything came to a grinding halt. That super fun mom that the kids had grown to expect from the summer, has disappeared. I have been so sick from this pregnancy. I'm easily worn down and often depressed. I've tried and tried to be grateful for this new addition. I'm sure I will be when she gets here. But, I miss the traveling and the adventure and the spontaneity that I experienced with 6 kids. I feel as though I've been thrust back into the sad, boring life before the Summer of '09.
I haven't figured out how to cope with it yet. Maybe it will be a bit easier with older kids to help me. Perhaps I'll still be able to take road trips even with a teeny baby.
That's my story. There are other women out there with similar stories or feelings. Can we help each other? Do we need help? I dunno.
