Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas

My personal opinion is that we had a very nice Christmas. It's always great when Jen and Jessie get to be with us on Christmas morning. Everyone got to open their new pajamas on Christmas Eve. It's funny but this year was the first year they all figured out my M.O. to give PJs on Christmas Eve.

I just happened to find a video from last Christmas when the 4 little ones re-enacted the Nativity Story. It was so cute to watch and remember. So, we did it again and Jen and Jessie both dressed up as shepherds to join the fun. Leah wore her Tinkerbell costume from Halloween when she dressed up like Mary. Lucy wore her Snow Queen costume as the angel.

We all got up about 7:30 to head downstairs for the gift unwrapping. We tried something a little different but I really liked it. My friend Kristin said that as a kids her dad would blindfold a child and spin them around and send them in the direction of the tree. When they got to a present, they read who it was for and then gave it to them. So, that's what we did. It made the gift unwrapping last about twice as long. It was good too, because no one could keep track of how many presents the other had. I enjoyed it much more than just passing out gifts. There was just a smidge of suspense.

Robbie and Joey each opening their super cool RC cars. The cars go in snow, land and water. Perfect for our current climate with the snow still on the ground.
Jen and Jessie each got a cute little purse with a gift card in it.
Lucy and Leah in their new jammies.

It took me a while to get into the Christmas spirit this year because I've been so sick. Alas, at some point it did catch up to me and I'm really grateful for a lovely family who all worship the Lord Jesus Christ.



Monday, December 21, 2009

Kinda fascinated...

I've been experiencing something with myself as well as with a couple of my girl friends.  I've recognized this for about a year or so with myself.  That is....I'm stuck.  From my own choices, I'm stuck being a wife and a mother.  Oh how I cried myself to sleep so many times as a single girl.  All I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother.  Here I am!

I actually enjoy being both most of the time.  My concern comes after watching the last episodes of The Biggest Loser this last season.  There was a 49 year old woman on there named Liz.  I didn't really like her personality BUT I learned something from her.  In the last few shows, she repeated herself quite a bit.  She called out to all women.  She said that she got so busy serving and doing for everyone else, that she forgot herself.  Now she's 49 years old and doesn't know how to treat herself respectfully.  I have identified with her words.  

I read another friend's blog today and was so impressed with her candor that I thought I'd add to the momentum.  

Last summer was probably the best summer of my life.  I combined just about everything I liked all at the same time.  I traveled with the kids all over to visit important sites of the American Revolution.  I love road trips.  I stopped going on road trips because I kept waiting for my husband to want to go with me.  He HATES road trips.  That part of me died for a number of years.  I also was anchored to a bunch of little children.  Lots of them.  And they just kept coming.  I never felt confident enough to venture out by myself with little, little kids.  

Last summer I took them all, the big ones and the little ones.  I don't know that they appreciated our trips, I'm sure they don't.  But, I sure do.  I took them to Lancaster, PA one day because I wanted to find fresh, farm raised, grass fed beef and chicken and raw milk and butter.  I was semi-successful.  But, then we we to a tourist spot of sorts which was a working Amish Farm.  It was more a tourist spot than working farm, but they had a garden and herbs and lots of animals. It was interesting to learn a little about the Amish way of life.  I think the kids were bored.  But, heck, I paid for it, so we did it.  After that, we went mini golfing.

There were other trips to Valley Forge, Philadelphia, Baltimore (Ft. McHenry) Monticello, Ashlawn, Smithsonian to see the actual Star Spangled Banner.  I enjoyed myself tremendously. I think the real fun and adventure of my personality appeared.  I felt like I was reborn and there was a light at the end of my tunnel.  

Recently, I've felt trapped.  At the end of all that fun, on August 14th, 2009, my 12th anniversary, I found out I was pregnant AGAIN!  I know babies are a good thing.  It was as if everything came to a grinding halt.  That super fun mom that the kids had grown to expect from the summer, has disappeared.  I have been so sick from this pregnancy.  I'm easily worn down and often depressed.  I've tried and tried to be grateful for this new addition.  I'm sure I will be when she gets here.  But, I miss the traveling and the adventure and the spontaneity that I experienced with 6 kids.  I feel as though I've been thrust back into the sad, boring life before the Summer of '09.  

I haven't figured out how to cope with it yet.  Maybe it will be a bit easier with older kids to help me.  Perhaps I'll still be able to take road trips even with a teeny baby.  

That's my story.  There are other women out there with similar stories or feelings.  Can we help each other?  Do we need help?  I dunno. 

Monday, December 14, 2009

I admit it....I lost my temper

Since doing so much canning over the last few days, I decided to kinda relax a bit.  Just take it easy.  It's amazing how children will do the same as the parent, no matter what.  The only difference is that my version of relaxing included cleaning out my closet and sitting to eat. :)  Their version is creating games that involve running crazy through my house and wrestling.

We only had an hour before we had to leave for piano lessons.  60 minutes.  I sent the kids outside to run back and forth across the yard 10 times to work out some of their energy.  Why is it that children are drawn to making messes?

They stayed outside.  I was fine with that.  About 15 minutes before we were supposed to leave, Joey comes to my bedroom to humbly announce that the water to the hose won't turn off.  I go outside to find my backyard flooded.  It had rained all day yesterday so there wasn't a lot of "give" in the ground to soak up my children's choice of fun.

The one funny part is that they had obviously tried to fix the problem.  Nearly every usable bucket from the backyard was filled up with water.  That makes me laugh.  That's about the only thing.  They decided to put the hose down in the drainpipe tube that attaches to the downspout and runs out into the yard.  I appreciate that thought as well.  Only, the combo of yesterday's rain AND today's "experiment", there is now a giant pond in the middle of the backyard.  Let's just hope it doesn't turn into a skating rink anytime soon.

At this point, I lost my temper.  I don't think I used but two swear words but there was a whole lotta yelling.  They all got banished to their bedrooms with the promise that they will be paying for this month's water bill.  Robbie started crying.  I had no sympathy.  Now, I'm in the mucky, muddy backyard (sounds like a Dora the Explorer destination), with my nice clothes on ( I was going out in public) trying to turn off the spigot or put on a nozzle to contain the water.  NO LUCK!  The kids have broken all of my nozzles and the spigot is just not working....period.

I call Sam crying and yelling.  He told me to have the boys run the hose out as far into the yard as possible so it doesn't seep back into the house.  They do that.  I call Melanie to tell her that piano lessons aren't going to happen.  But, I just cried hysterically.  She was calm and patient and assured me it would be fine and we'd make up the lesson.  

Sam called back to say he'd come home from Philly to fix it all.  I told him I'd just run to the Home Depot and buy a nozzle.  So, I left the kids at home in a fixed position.  Thankfully, the Home Depot is less than a few blocks from our house.  I waddled my way in there and found the slowest worker to lead me to the meager home and garden area left for the winter.  We found a nozzle and then both of us waddled to the plumbing department where I received a lesson in spigots.  I left with just the nozzle.  Sam will have to figure out the spigot size.

I come back home, roll up my pants and head out to the backyard.  Meanwhile, Robbie had turned off the water from inside the house.  Not a bad idea, but I was still made at him.  Though I will applaud him in my blog for his self-reliant thinking.  Go Robbie!

I attached the nozzle but left it hose extended to the nethermost regions of the the yard just in case I did something wrong.

So, the kids are now in the bedrooms until their dad comes home.  It's only 1pm.  They'll be in there for at least another 5 hours.  I don't have a problem with it.  Joey asked if they'd be allowed to eat.  I told him he could have the last quarter of the PB&J sandwich he refused to eat for breakfast and is still sitting on the table.  He didn't like that idea.  I don't care.

For the record, there has been no "laying on of hands" during this event.  

Now, I'm off to enjoy my 5 hours until the father returns.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Back in the Saddle

Well, I've been back in the saddle from a long time absent.  I discovered the other day that I was tremendously low on chicken, both frozen and canned.  So, I made an executive decision to drive up to North Philly and purchase 120 lbs of chicken.

I canned 34 pints of chicken tenders last night.  Today, with the kids' help, I was able to de-fat 40 lbs of chicken breast and prep it to be vacuumed sealed and frozen.  That was 10 packages.  I was so proud of the kids.  Robbie and Lucy to be exact.  They both learned how to work the Food Saver and make and seal up the bags of chicken.  They also helped with the actual de-fatting and used sharp knives.  I didn't look at them very often because their knife skills are VERY scary and I was scared they were going to lose a digit.  We all survived.

Defatting the chicken thighs took what seemed like forever.  So little meat and so much fat.  So, with all the fat and scraps of chicken I'm now learning how to render chicken fat into schmaltz.  I'm saving most of the thigh meat to turn into freezer meals.  Preparedness never ends.

So, it's been nice to be useful and productive again.  I've missed it having been so sick with this little baby.  I'm grateful that I'm feeling well enough to do some more canning and preserving.  I just had to take more breaks than usual.

I did very much enjoy spending time with my kids though.  We had a bit of an anatomy lesson while doing the chicken breasts. :)  Very funny.  Glad that I homeschool for those memories right there.

UPDATE:  My final tally for the chicken was--47 canned chicken, 18 frozen chicken (approx 4lbs in each), 6 freezer meals, 6 quarts of broth, 2 pints of rendered fat (schmaltz), cooked chicken scrap for my neighbor's dogs.  I'm still recovering two days later, but I feel that I definitely added to our family's storage which was the ultimate goal.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Finances

I've never been good at finances.  I've come a long way though. When I owned my own home in Virginia before getting married, I wouldn't even open the bills because I was scared of them.  I know, most of you are aghast that I would actually admit that.  Oh well, it's true.  That was at my worst.  I'm not at my best just yet, but I'm much better than in the past.

Because we're self-employed, our financial circumstances tend to be either super great or not so much.  I'm actually ok with both.  I prefer super great though.  One of the good things about being self-employed is that you don't have a set income necessarily which means you can actually capitalize on opportunities presented, therefore making a good amount of money.  The other side of that is when the opportunities don't come, alas, we don't eat.  Of course, I've have my food storage which has saved our rear ends many times.  

But, recently I ran across a blog called www.debtfreeadventure.com.  I'm not sure why this blog appealed to me, but it did.  This fellow, Matt Jabs, decided to get rid of his $15000 i debt and grow a savings fund at the same time.  He determined to learn all he could about finances and money, etc, etc.  He has lots of people make comments on post topics that I have found to be invaluable.  I enjoy Dave Ramsey and even Suze Orman to some extent, but the real world people who can give down and dirty advice is what I seek.

Because of the advice and tools offered on Jabs' website, in just about a week, I have organized my finances.  Detailing in spreadsheets my constant bills (ie electric, gas) and figured out how much interest I'm paying on my mortgage, credit cards and other debts as a way to understand more fully what is going out my door every month.  Because of the organization of it all, I feel as though a burden has been lifted.  I'm not choosing to be in the dark anymore.  The debt burden is still there, but at least I know that it's possible to overcome.

I just wanted to document my personal success.  It's nice to not be so overwhelmed as to now even know where to start.  One step at a time.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Great Plan of Happiness

This is the talk I gave at Diane's funeral.  I didn't write it, God did.

Good morning!  I am so thankful to have this opportunity to share with you some of Dane's very core beliefs.

One of these beliefs is referred to as the Great Plan of Happiness.  i some ways I find that ironic as we sit here and mourn the loss of our dear friend.  But, as I explain this Plan, you will see how out of our grief, we can hope for joy and happiness.

We've all made plans.  Sometimes the plan is as simple as making toast.  Other times, creating plans requires time, energy, a pen and paper and a major computer program.  But, in all plans, simple or complex, the goal is to get from Point A to Point B.  There may be a few unexpected detours or delays.  Some of these detours or delays may be from mistakes we make, or from situations over which we have no control.

Each of our plans has crucial decision, or moments or actions that must be accomplished or we won't make it to Point B.  If my plan is to make toast and I forget to plug in the toaster,  I don't make it to Point B.

The examples are endless and I'm sure each of you can share experiences when your plans didn't go quite as expected.  But, I bet most of the time, you persevered and made it to Point B.  

So it is with the Great Plan of Happiness.  Diane would appreciate a children's Primary song to introduce the Plan.
"I lived in heaven a long time ago, it is true,
Lived there and loved there with people I know, so did you.
Then Heavenly Father presented a beautiful plan,
All about earth and eternal salvation for man."

This Plan was created long before any of us were born.  From this song, we learn the joyful news that we knew each other in a pre-mortal world.  We also learn that not only did we know each other but we also knew our Father in Heaven.  Oh how we loved Him and wanted to be just like Him!  And because He is so loving and generous, He created this Great Plan of Happiness so that our Point B would be to return to Him and live with Him eternally.  This is the definition of salvation.  We were so excited for this opportunity.

It was explained to us that there would be detours and delays, some of our own making and some by uncontrollable circumstances.  But, He would give us road maps, GPS units and weather stations in the form of scriptures, faith, teachers, prayers and many others.

However, we also knew that in order to be with our Father we had to return unspotted from the world.  Clean and worthy to enter into and feel comfortable in His presence. 

This is where the Plan takes on it's Greatness.  Knowing that it would be impossible for us to remain clean through out our lives, Heavenly Father gave us His greatest gift.  In John 3:16, we read, "God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believest in him would not perish but have everlasting life,"

Jesus Christ is the central figure in the Plan.  It is only through Him that we can return to our Father unspotted and clean.  John 14:6 reads, "And Jesus said unto him, I am the way, the truth and the light, no man cometh unto the Father but by me."

This is what Diane knew down into her very core.  She had a strong relationship with her Savior.  This is what she was most sure about.  This is the knowledge and testimony she taught to the little children for whom she had so much love.  I, myself, am a better mother because she taught me how to teach my own children about Christ.

The Great Plan of Happiness hinges solely upon our willingness to accept Christ as our Savior and to simply follow Him.  We will continue to make mistakes and be hurt by mistakes from others.  But, as we repent and realign our thoughts and actions with our Lord, we will find the peace and happiness the Plan was intended for us to feel.

Sheri Dew said, "The Lord knows the way because He is the way and is our only chance for successfully negotiating mortality.  His Atonement makes available all of the power, peace, light and strength that we need to deal with life's challenges--those ranging from our own mistake and sins to trials over which we have no control be we still feel pain. 

 "There is simply no mortal equivalent.  Not in terms of commitment, power, or love.  He is our only chance.

"Our responsibility is to learn to draw upon the power of the Atonement.  Otherwise we walk through mortality relying solely on our own strength.  and to do that is to invite the frustration of failure and to refuse the most resplendent gift in time or eternity."

As we accept Christ as our Savior and work to create a strong relationship with Him, we will find ourselves choosing what is right with ease.  We will find ourselves serving other with pure hearts, desiring to lift burdens to that they can feel the peace of Christ.  We will find ourselves feeling abundant measures of gratitude.  All of these things will only bring us closer to our Point B.  It truly is a Great Plan.

Temporarily, Diane's spirit is separated from her mortal body.  Because of Christ's supreme sacrifice, Diane and all who have lived and died including ourselves, will one day have our spirits reunited with a beautiful and immortal body.  Never to die again.  Jesus Christ took back His perfect and immortal body as an example of what we would all receive.  We know that Christ was in the image of His Father.  So we know that our Heavenly Father has a perfect and immortal body as well.

Once we have all been resurrected and have received our perfect and immortal bodies, we will have the opportunity to stand in a final judgement and be accountable for the life we lived.  Did we accept our Savior?  Did we stay true?  Did we use the road maps, GPS units and weather stations Father provided for us to overcome our trials both self-made and those out of our control?  Did we repent?  Did we use the grace that was offered us?  Did we serve others and share this Great Plan?

Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love and cherish each of us.  We are their children.  They would never set us up to fail.  We are all here to make it successfully to Point B.

My heart is full of gratitude that Diane was an active part of my life and that of my family's.  I'm grateful for her example.  I'm mostly grateful for this Great Plan of Happiness, that God created for us all.  Diane is just a step ahead but the destination is the same for us all.

Amen.


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

My Friend, My Sister

This is a hard post for me to make.  One of the dearest friends I've ever had passed away this week.  It was not unexpected. 

Diane Paul and I became friends when she called me to serve as a counselor in her Relief Society presidency over 10 years ago.  She quickly became more than just someone with whom I served in church, she became a friend and finally my sister.  I'm the oldest in my family, thus I never had a big brother/sister.  Diane filled that role for me.

She taught me how to be a better mother.  I always called her about medical concerns about my children before I called the doctor.  She was a pediatric nurse.  She taught me how to relate to my children.  To be patient with them.  To teach them during play and work.  She showed me how to teach my children to include Christ in their lives.  I'm so grateful for such an example.  I don't think I could ever express it adequately.

The picture above is when my 4th baby Leah was blessed.  My mom and dad were serving a full time mission and couldn't be there for the birth or the blessing.  Diane stepped in and served as my mom.  She came to the hospital the day and the day after the birth and spent the day with me.  Just like my mom would've.  The day of the blessing was especially hard for me because my parents weren't present.  Diane was there to help me get Leah dressed in her blessing gown and just fuss over both of us.  

I have many other memories and pictures of our friendship and her membership in our family.  

There's much more to write but I'm finding tears welling up and I don't want to do that right now.  This will do for now.  I just wanted to honor my dear friend and sister.  I will miss you more than you'll ever know.