Happy Birthday Diane!

Yesterday was Diane's birthday. June 3rd. She would've been 55.

I hadn't gone to her graveside service back in November.

So, this was our first trip to the cemetery. It was so hot. 90+ degrees.

Her grave isn't marked yet so it was a bit of a treasure hunt, if you will, to finally find it.

Robbie looks pretty miserable and hot. I don't really blame him.

You can see the new grass growing over her grave. That was how we ultimately found her.

We had a general idea as to where it was but definitely had to go hunting.

One of the things that I'm sure she's loving is that her birthday is so close to Memorial Day.

In fact, she is buried between two veterans, so her grave is flanked by flags.

She was a GREAT patriot.

My photos didn't upload in order, but you get the gist.

Family Home Evening with Diane

I was looking through my photos recently and found this one. This was our last Family Home Evening with Diane before she died. We picked her up and went to the church because it was more conducive to her wheelchair.

Diane would often attend our family nights. Probably 2-3 times a month. She always was like a bonus mom to my kids and to me. It was wonderful to have her backing up the teachings Sam and I were giving our children. She loved being with us and we loved having her. She often told me in her last days how much she missed spending family nights with us. She said she loved singing church songs with us and kneeling in family prayer with us. We felt the same about her.

I miss her. Especially not having her here when Lili was born. I cry too much when I think about it. Maybe one day I'll be able to record how she was with me during Lili's birthday.

Time Flies

Where does the time go when you're growing babies? I can't believe Lili is already a month old. Just seems like yesterday we got the word I needed to have a C-section and six hours later, I had my baby.

I'm so thankful for Lili. I have to say though, knowing that she is my last has had the effect I didn't want. I always felt I would have a baby after Leah, but after we tried for so long, I kinda gave up and was at peace with it. I liked not knowing if Leah was my last because I just really enjoyed her. I treated just like the others. I didn't cry at the thought of no more babies, cuz I didn't really know. I was just perfect.

Lili is my last. I was looking at her birth pictures and those first couple of days right after. She was so small even at 9 lbs 13 oz. Just so fresh. I know she's only 30 days old, but I miss those "brand new" days.

It's a shame that mommas are so sleep deprived with brand new babies. Sometimes I think I don't enjoy them as much as I should, BUT I'm so tired. And healing after a C-section is really rough on me. I'm still really stiff and have moments of great soreness. Sometimes I think I'll never get better. I know I will, it's just hard to remember what it feels like to be 100% healthy.

I've been so blessed with so many people serving me and my family. I will never be able to write thank you notes enough to express my gratitude. I'm humbled at all that has been done for us. Meals, phone calls, visits, taking my kids so I can rest, clothes for the baby, and just thoughtful expressions of love. I have appreciated them all.

I need to stop now, I'm crying. :)

More Pictures of Lili

Looks like she's sucking her thumb, but she's not. Just dang cute. This picture was taken while Lili and I were waiting for the doctor to come in for her well-check visit. Lili is 12 days old in this pic.

Same doctor's visit. I just really like this picture

I think is picture is so funny. She looks so much like my dad here. So cute. I hate that she's getting bigger but loving that she's getting more control of her body and I'm figuring out some of her ways. :)

Liliana Joy

I ended up having an unscheduled C-section. I was rather devestated because I had worked so hard to prepare for another VBAC. But, at the end of the day, I trusted in the word of my medical professionals. The main goal of any pregnancy is to get the baby out healthy. That had always been my biggest concern as an older mother. I prayed daily that the Lord would bless this child with perfect health and He did.

This is our first photo together as mother and daughter. I think I look pretty good considering what was happening at the other end of my body. I think I'll start taking all my pictures upside down.

Sam and Lili. So sweet.

I look better in the c-section photo. I'm one tired mommy. The recuperation on this one has been rather difficult. But look at that cute little baby.

This is Lili's going-home outfit. She looks like a little doll baby.

I didn't laugh!

So, this post is actually a continuation of the last post in a way. Robbie is still struggling but all of us, including him, are getting through it. He's having a hard time and just wishes his body would just grow out of it. It's heart-rending at times. I feel so badly for him. But, he's hanging in there. This too shall pass and I won't have a little boy any more. That kinda makes me sad.

He is still looking forward to his man-hair that will be at the end of this challenge. :)

This last week we had another little moment. Pinewood Derby. Great when you win. Not so great, when you lose.

Robbie lost. He was devastated. BUT, I was so proud of his grace and honor during the whole evening. I knew he was disappointed but it wasn't until we got home that I realized how awful it was for him. We worked through it. Plenty of praise. Lots of crying...him.

During the venting, he said that one of the boys (the winner) was going around dancing and taunting the other boys and calling them all losers. OK. We talked about it. Praised him for his behavior and moved on with our lives.

Later in the week I happened to mention this to the father of the winner. He went home and spoke with his son. The son admitted the dancing and celebrating but denied that he called anyone a name. OK. So, someone is lying.

I had a little chat with Robbie. He immediately got defensive and denied that he said any of the things that he did say. (I know I've got problems, but hearing isn't one of them) So, I started reminding of his accusations. He started crying and getting all down on himself. Blah blah blah.

Finally, we got to a place where he was calmer and I got to hug him. He was sweaty from all the crying and fussing. As we're wrapping up the conversation and working through a consequence he says to me.

"McGuyver was right. You do sweat a lot when you lie."

It was all I could do to NOT laugh. Thank goodness for a good role model like McGuyver!

Growing Pains

Actually, I won't necessarily be talking about me and my belly during this post. I actually wanted to blog a bit about a new phase of life.

My son who is nearly 11 years old (in two months). Thank goodness for parenting books or I would've thought this child was possessed.

He has been the most delightful boy since I've been pregnant and feeling so crappy. He's getting stronger and more capable. He's been able to serve me by serving his brother and sisters. He's just be great. I am just tickled at this development and it's been such a relief.

UNTIL RECENTLY.....

A switched has been flipped in this child. The good part is still in there and is present most (95%) of the time. He's still very helpful around the house and with his siblings. I don't even know how to describe his new behaviors. Sometimes he is sweet as honey, sometimes he acts like a pubescent girl.

What I'm learning is that he's starting to want to be "big" but still enjoys being "little". Yup, growing pains. He doesn't want to necessarily be with the younger kids, UNLESS it's more fun than being a big kid. He's extremely emotional. He's struggling to be independent yet loyal and true to his family and how he's been raised. He's pushing every button on the control panel right now.

I'm convince from the experiences I'm having with him that this is really when parent and child begin to separate. When the parent gives in or gives up with a child. The child doesn't want that. He/She wants to know the lines/boundaries are still in place and that everything is normal. I do believe that some more allowances need to be made as the child proves himself. More independence granted. But, allowing the child to be in control is ridiculous. But, it's so easy for a parent to give up.

I'm also learning that a parent must increase their patience levels. The parent must be willing to wait the child out, talking to them, showing love and understanding. That can be very difficult at times. It usually happens around bedtime when everyone is tired. Making everything worse.

So far, my mode of operation (M.O.) is to keep talking and asking probing questions. I'm not one to settle for secrets. Yes, children sneak and hide things. I'm aware of that. I still have secrets from my parents that I dare not tell them. But, I believe that there are emotional reasons for a child's behavior. Not just testing boundaries. They need to be uncovered and dealt with so everyone can get a good night's sleep.

I also don't believe that I child is "allowed" to NOT deal with an issue. Whether they "threw" it on the table or not. Again, it needs to be dealt with. If they're unhappy with me as a parent, throw it out there and let's figure it out. I may need to change to help them in our relationship.

Work. I'm determined to teach my children the value of work. I've been so pleased with all my children these last few months. Since I've been so sick, they've really picked up the ball with the cleaning, cooking AND laundry. It's not done perfectly, but every once in a while, they surprise the heck out of me. I'm so grateful for their willingness to lift my burdens. I'm finding that the more often they do the work, the better they're becoming. It's going faster for them too. Oh, they're far from being perfect when it comes to being motivated, but we're at least on a good road.

That is my warning and my counsel. I'm excited for my boy to develop into a man. He can't hardly wait for his "man hair" and "man voice", oh, and "man sweat". I'm not looking forward to the "man smell". I will miss my sweet little boy. But, I'm tickled at the "man" he is becoming.

I'm still holding on for the ride. We've got a long way to go. Don't even talk to me about my daughters. :)