Update

So.  I'm still in New Jersey.  

As you'll read in the post under this one, I was having some serious doubts as to whether I should go to CA or not.

I fretted over it all day.  I asked Sam for another blessing.  He suggested that someone else give the blessing.  Brother John Collier came over with his wife and gave both Sam and I counsel about a few things.  I was very thankful.

Brother Collier gave Sam a blessing, I only heard snippets because Leah was complaining about the particular "Dora" she was watching.

Brother Collier then gave me a blessing.  A very strange one.  Not to minimize it, but the result was the counsel to leave the blessing and go and pray to find the answer. (do you see me rolling my eyes?) 

Heavenly Father knows that I'm not real very good at praying and getting answers.  So, I tried. I don't know if I got an answer at that moment.  I decided to finish packing and go on to the airport.

It was very hard to leave my family.  I got checked in and made it through security without anything beeping.  I quick stopped and grabbed a couple of sandwiches to munch on during the 4 hour flight to SLC.  Stopped at the bathroom and I was good to go.

The incoming flight was delayed so I had a few minutes to eat a sandwich.  Then it was time to board.  I was doing just fine until I saw the plane.  At that minute I just felt a dread set over me.

I felt like stopping right then but I continued down the jetway.  I was just about to step over the threshold of the plane when I backed out.  I let the line go ahead of me and I called Sam.  By the time he answered the phone, I was sobbing.  I was so scared to get on the plane.

As an aside, I am not afraid to fly.  I practically grew up in an airplane.  My dad always owned an airplane until I was about 24 years old.  So, I was not nervous about flying.

Sam told me to not go.  I agreed but needed another opinion.  I called my mom.  I asked her that if she was feeling as badly about this as I was, would she go.  She said, "no."  She counseled me quite a bit.  

Finally, someone tapped me on the shoulder and I told her that I wasn't getting on.  She was a bit confused, but I just started to cry again.  They walked me back (policy) and were just as nice as they could be.  This is rather surprising considering we're talking Philadelphia here.  They were kind-hearted and very loving actually.

The Delta desk attendant rebooked me for a flight tomorrow--with an aisle seat.  I'm still not sure if I should go, but I have a few more hours to make that decision.

I may sound like a super freak, but I know what I felt.  I know a warning feeling when I feel it.  I don't know why and I'll probably never know why.  But, I do get to spend another night at my house with my kids fussing and fighting with each other, but I'm so thankful to be here and not just barely landing in SLC with another 2 hours to go before landing in California.  

I'm sure there will be another update.  But that's the one for now.